Sanity
by Rayamon
Summary: The revised edition of the first story I ever uploaded onto this site.Izzy loses his laptop,but how far will he go to get it back?


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Author's note: This is the revised edition of the first story I ever uploaded onto this site, so please excuse my inability to write fanfiction waaaay back then! I've (hopefully) improved since then! The original didn't involve Kari or Gatomon, and was supposed to be part of a trilogy. However, I came to the conclusion that it would be better as a stand-alone. The second part actually got uploaded, and I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed it. This story is for everyone who read and reviewed both the original story and its sequel. Special thanks to Pulsar for being my proof reader!

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Sanity

By Rayamon

Nights in the Digi-World are always more beautiful than they are on Earth. I think it's because there's no pollution or bright lights here to dull the sky. I sit, leaning against a tree, just watching the stars. The constellations are different than on Earth too. I identify some of the ones Tentomon told me about. I can see the Monochromon, the Gazimon, and faintly, partly hidden by the trees, the Ikkakumon. I draw some shapes in my mind's eye. Next to the Gazimon is a dragon, and beside that, a giraffe. Above that is a curious square of stars that looks just like a microchip…a tear comes to my eye and I furiously blink it away. I'm strong; I can take the pain. I look over to my sleeping companions. They think that I'm over-reacting. But what do they know? Even my loyal Digimon, Tentomon, doesn't fully understand. 'It's only a laptop', they say. 'You'll get over it'. But that laptop meant more to me than anything. Back in the real world it was my only friend. Why did they think I took it to camp? Just to show it off?

Tentomon snores beside me. One of his arms twitches as he dreams. It's all right for him. He's safe in the oblivion of sleep. While I'm not. How can I sleep with the pain that keeps gnawing inside? My friends think I'm getting far too emotional over an inanimate object. But that laptop was more than just a machine. It was part of me. It was what kept me sane in the Digital World. It never left my sight. Whenever despair or depression threatened to overtake me, I could just lift the pineapple lid and type my worries away.

My fingers twitch. They want to type. _I_ want to type. I feel so incomplete. I'm like Joe without his glasses: utterly helpless. OK, bad comparison. Joe isn't helpless without his glasses. He can still get around, albeit without much co-ordination. I glance over at him. Fast asleep, using his bag as a pillow. Gomamon's curled up beside him. Joe's probably my best human friend in the Digi-World. He's sympathetic to me, but even he has limits. I've only ever seen him snap once, when we had managed to get back to the real world. After getting ditched by everyone else in the subway, we had found them in a restaurant, only to discover that they had spent all the money on food without even getting us anything. He had been furious. Not that I blame him. Joe's like me: he hides his feelings, bottles them up. I think wild shows of emotion scare him a little. I remember when we had all been separated on File Island. Mimi and I were in Centarumon's temple. She was getting totally stressed out, while I just sat there and typed…God, why does everything lead back to my laptop? Why can't I get over it?

I rub the bandage on my arm. The cut should be healing by now. It itches a bit. A cruel reminder of a cruel day. My mind wanders back to it. Of the mistakes I made. Of how my beloved laptop was taken away from me.

************************************************************

It had been a normal (if you could call it that) day in the Digi-World. We'd been wandering around as usual. Tai and Matt had gotten involved in another argument. Sora was making sure that TK and Kari didn't get lost. Mimi and Joe were talking about something. I'm sure those two have feelings for each other. But it might just be me.

The Digimon had been walking alongside their human companions (apart from Patamon, who was in his usual place on top of TK's hat). Palmon had been pointing out different plants to me, and I'd been entering the data into my laptop. Some of them, she explained, had some healing properties, while others were poisonous. The data could have come in handy later on.

Eventually, we reached a path that wound past a river. The river was very wide, and looked deep. Gomamon had jumped straight in and was playing about, trying to splash Joe. I shut my laptop and put it back into its holder. We carried on walking for a bit, when we began to hear a roaring noise ahead. We continued walking and found a waterfall. By this time, Gomamon had climbed out of the river. The current wasn't very strong, but he still didn't want to risk being swept over the falls.

As we discussed what to do next, Gabumon's ears shot up. He could hear something. It was coming from the river. We all turned to look, and saw bubbles rising and popping on the surface.

We all held our breaths.

Suddenly, the river seemed to explode as a _thing _emerged with a roar. It resembled an octopus or a kraken at best. It was white in colour, with black markings. It has a jagged mouth lined with huge teeth, and several tentacles. Two of these ended in razor sharp black claws.

"It's Gesomon!" cried Gatomon. I recognised it too. We had met up with one in the real world, but luckily Ikkakumon had managed to defeat it. This was smaller than the one we had fought, but it was still larger than I'd liked.

Gomamon, being in his element, leapt into action.

"Gomamon Digivolve to….IKKAKUMON!!"

Since the battle was in the water, the others were hesitent to join because they knew they'd be at a disadvantage. But then Biyomon stepped forward.

"Biyomon Digivolve to…BIRDRAMON!!"

"Harpoon torpedo!"

"Meteor wing!"

The two attacks hit home. Gesomon roared in anger and retaliated.

"Coral crusher!"

The attack smashed into Birdramon, knocking her into the trees beside the river. Then Ikkakumon felt it too, and was hurled from the river, landing in a soggy heap on the bank.

Everyone took a step back as Gesomon glared at us. In a lightning fast movement one of his tentacles lashed out and knocked the other Digimon and most of their human partners aside. I was still standing, but rooted to the spot with fear.

Then Gesomon noticed me.

Gesomon shot out one of his tentacles and wrapped it around me. He lifted me up into the air and opened his cavernous jaws.

I had a reasonable guess what he wanted to do to me. So, I did something what anybody else would have done in my position.

I screamed.

I saw a sudden burst of light out of the corner of my eye as Gesomon drew me closer. I could smell his fishy breath by now. It wasn't very pleasant.

"Tentomon Digivolve to…KABUTERIMON!!"

My buggy friend did a flying kick at Gesomon, knocking me out of his grasp. As I flew through the air, Kabuterimon caught me and put me gently on the bank.

"Guys, I think it might be a good idea if we got out of here!" said a voice. It was Tai, looking slightly dishevelled as Gesomon had managed to knock him into a bush.

"For once I agree with you!" said Matt, checking that TK was all right. We all turned and ran.

Just about to enter the trees, something smacked into my back, knocking me to the ground. Looking round, I saw to my horror that Gesomon, persistent as ever, and managed to get a hold of my laptop, and was trying to drag me into the river. I scrambled against the wet grass, trying to get a grip on something, but there was nothing. I slowly began to slide towards the waiting jaws.

"ELECTRO-SHOCKER!"

Gesomon screamed as Kabuterimon's attack crashed into him. His clawed tentacle snapped back like a spring, tearing the laptop from my back and sending it soaring into the river.

"NO!" I shouted.

Gesomon, thrown off balance by the attack, tumbled over and over in the water. Unable to regain his balance, he disappeared over the waterfall's edge with a shriek.

And my laptop was about to share the same fate.

I launched myself forward, attempting to dive in, when something crashed into me, pinning me down. It was Tai.

"Let go of me!" I yelled, struggling against his grip.

"Izzy, don't be stupid! You can't go in after it!"

"Yes I can! Let me go now!"

Matt joined in pinning me down.

"The dude's right, Izzy! You'll get swept away too!"

"I don't care! I have to save it!"

Even though I was pinned to the ground, I could see my laptop, still wrapped in its travelling case, bobbing on the waves. It spun slightly, showing me the pineapple lid for the last time, before it was swept over the falls.

"NOOOO!!!" I screamed.

I just stared at the spot where my laptop had disappeared, and felt my whole world crumble. My head sank facedown in the wet grass.

I felt Tai and Matt lift themselves off me.

Utter silence, save for the roaring of the falls, reigned.

I heard a thrumming of wings. "Izzy?" It was Tentomon "Are you alright, Izzy?"

I didn't reply. I was too numb.

Two pairs of hands grabbed me and hauled me to my feet. I didn't want to stand. All I wanted to do was to just lie in the damp grass and be left alone to mourn.

"Izzy?"

I opened my eyes. It was Joe, looking at me with genuine concern etched on his face.

"Izzy, are you OK?"

I felt my defences break. I grabbed Joe in a fierce hug and burst into tears. "It's GONE! My laptop is gone and I'll never see it again!"

Joe was taken aback by this. Like I said before, wild shows of emotion scare him.

I think everyone was taken aback, actually. No one had ever seen me cry. Not even Tentomon.

Joe bent down to my height and hugged me back. I buried my head into his shoulder and just sobbed. All the times I had been holding back tears, from being bullied, from finding out that I was adopted, from being an unappreciated, outcasted genius, they all came back. Losing my laptop had been the straw that had finally broke my back, the trigger for my explosion. My laptop had been my friend, always there, never betraying me. It had listened to me, had been my light in the darkness. And now it was in a watery grave. 

I don't know how long I cried for, but eventually my tears stopped. I did feel a bit better, but now there was a gaping hole inside of me. Joe managed to detach me from his shoulder. The other guys were trying to avoid eye contact. They probably hadn't thought I'd react in this way. To be honest, even I didn't.

"You OK now, Izzy?" asked Joe. I sniffed.

"Just about."

"I think it'd be best," said Agumon carefully "if we left the river," Everyone silently agreed and followed after him and Tai. Trailing behind, my head hanging, I joined the procession.

We picked our way down a mountain path away from the waterfall, the tall trees hemming us in. Tai was leading and I brought up the rear, Tentomon buzzing alongside me. Conversation had stopped altogether as we all concentrated on our footing down the slippery path. My hands had unconsciously gripped the frayed straps of my laptop holder, which still hung from my shoulders. Nobody said anything; afraid they'd set me off again. Nobody, not even my own parents, had seen me act the way I had by the riverbank. I had always been the one who sat there silent, never sharing my emotions. I was still in shock. It was like I had lost my best friend. In a way, I had. I focused my mind on counting. I counted to 1000, then started again. It became like a mantra. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7…

Near the base of mountain path, in a clearing, we had set up camp. Nobody talked. We ate in silence before retiring. There was no need for a watch; we were well enough hidden by the trees. Soon everyone was asleep. Everyone except me.

************************************************************

I rubbed the bandage again. I hadn't even noticed that I'd cut myself until we had set up camp. I'd probably caught it on something coming down the path, but so focused on counting that the pain had bypassed me. Mimi and Palmon patched me up. Now they were asleep, mumbling in their dreams. No doubt that Mimi was dreaming of a handsome prince and living in a castle, while Palmon was having a dream along the same lines. I briefly wondered what Tentomon was dreaming of. Probably food, do doubt. That seemed to be the main priority on most Digimon's lists. 

I bought my knees up to my chest and hugged them. The pain had been gnawing for a while now, like some sort of hunger. Why was I getting so worked up over a laptop? It was just a computer. Nothing more. A machine. It wasn't alive. It didn't have feelings. It was just an inanimate object.

But it was more than that. It was part of me. It was who I was. Koushiro Izumi, quiet genius and computer geek extraordinaire. I had to get it back. I was nothing without it, and it was nothing without me. My emotions were threatening to tear me in two, the small voice of reason telling me not to be stupid, and that unidentifiable part shouting out, drowning out everything else. Eventually the latter won. I HAD to get it back. There was no doubt about it.

I stood up. Tentomon mumbled in his sleep. You could hear the waterfall from our camp. The splash pool, at the bottom of the fall, should be nearby. I looked round at everyone. All fast asleep. If they knew, they would try to stop me. They'd think I was just mad with grief. But I wasn't. I had never been clearer in my life. Being as quiet as possible, I stole out of our camp like a thief and into the woods.

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It took me about an hour to reach the splash pool, after trying to find the safest and quietest way down. And being as short as I was didn't help much when I had to clamber down ledges. The falls rumbled down, throwing up mist and creating a miniature rainbow. Ignoring the natural beauty, I peered into the water. It looked deep. But my laptop was in there somewhere, and I had to get it back.

I took off my clothes, save my boxers, and laid them in a neat pile on the shore. I did some stretches and gingerly got into the pool. It was cold. VERY cold. But I had to get my laptop.

Taking a few breaths, I took a deep lungful and dived in.

I wasn't the greatest swimmer, but I wasn't the worst, either. After about 5 dives, however, I still hadn't found it. I was getting chilled to the bone. The sky by the horizon was beginning to turn red with the false dawn. Morning was coming. I had to find my laptop fast.

I dived again. This time, I saw it. Partly hidden by some dense seaweed, the pineapple colour beckoned to me. I surfaced, took another deep breath and dived.

This time I reached my laptop. I managed to untangle it, and, with the breath burning in my lungs, broke the surface with my prize.

Back on the bank, I shook myself dry and put my clothes back on. I brushed the remaining seaweed from my computer. It was a bit scratched, but looked OK.

I hesitantly lifted the lid.

It didn't _look _too waterlogged.

With trembling hands, I pressed the power button.

The screen winked into life. It worked! I was so happy I could have cried. My laptop still worked! I turned it off and closed the lid. The sky was lighter now. I'd better get back before the others missed me.

Holding the laptop in my arms, I went back up the beach.

I was briefly aware of a loud roar, and then I was lying face down in the sand with my laptop several feet in front of me.

Something wrapped itself around my leg. Something wet.

I looked round.

In the pool was a battered looking Gesomon. The one who had almost killed me before. Now it was angry.

It dragged me towards the water.

I screamed and frantically tried to scramble back up the beach. But the Gesomon had a firm grip. My fingers left ten neat furrows in the sand as I was hauled towards waiting jaws. I was getting closer and closer to the water.

Twisting round, I began to kick furiously at the tentacle that held me. The Gesomon roared angrily.

I had failed to anticipate the other tentacle.

It arced through the air and smashed into my face, tearing three slashes across. I screamed as I felt the blood run down in three crimson rivets. I doubled my efforts, trying to break free of its grip. My feet brushed the water. I was getting hoarse now with screaming. Where were the guys? Were they too far away to hear?

The water was up to my chest. I dug my fingers into the sand, trying to haul myself away. I could see where the sand had been thrown up as the Gesomon dragged me, and the blood splattering the ground. I had forgotten the pain in my terror.

I desperately lashed out at the tentacle again. An angry roar filled the air.

With a final yank, the Gesomon pulled me under.

I struggled and kicked underwater, desperately fighting for air. The Gesomon dragged me deeper and deeper. I could see the seaweed where I had discovered my laptop. My lungs had begun to hurt. Was this how it was going to end? Drowning in the cold water and being eaten by a wild Digimon? An inglorious end for the so-called knowledgeable Digi-destined. 

The other tentacle had a firm grip on me now. The water stung the cuts on my face. Sheer terror had overtook me now. The surface was about 10 foot above me, but it could have been on the other side of the world. Spots flickered before my eyes and the pressure in my chest grew. A bright flash of light at my shoulder. It was my Digivice. It glowed, shaking vigorously. Then, the light went out as the Digivice shut down.

The pain in my chest grew more and more vicious; I could take no more.

I breathed in the water.

Suddenly my body went limp. A peace filled me. The terror melted away into nothingness. The roar of the Gesomon became nothing. Time slowed. I could see the surface, see the sun shining through the crystal waters above. Beautiful, just like a church window.

I wasn't even surprised when the darkness washed over my vision, plunging me into darkness.

Bea-u-ti-ful.


End file.
